WORDS..!!!

what are my poems,
but just string of words.
rearranging patterns
like a flock of birds.

but this is how i say,
what is in my heart,
little stories of meetings,
and the tales of who depart

my life is not a rainbow,
beautifully colored in view.
there are shades of black,white
and lot of grey patches too..

but i love my life,
and all that came.
even the days of night,
when i lost it like a game.

ask me,
what keeps my hopes in
life so alive and so much of glow.
is that i love a girl
and she doesnt even know ;)

and when the time is right
i'll say this to her
that just the thought of her absence
makes my life look so blur.

no matter how many times
people ask me this..
each time hoping for something new...
my answer to their question, on what am i thinking
is always you... @_@


it seems so funny,
also like a lie.
but this is the truth
that even i cant deny.


and first time in life,
these words seem so
much than true,
that i will always love you,
more than what you think
or i say i do... !!!!

It was raining that Night...!!!!

Being here alone now
doesn't feel so good
if only things were different
maybe happier i think i would

i wont write anymore
this is my last
everything has finally come
to an end
all the roles have been cast

All the truth have been told
nothing inside is kept
in the dark corner of my heart
like a baby i wept

confessing was painful
especially when it was you
after all, you were someone special
in my world of few


the attic is clear,
all the things have been moved
no more are heard within,
all my thoughts have been brewed

I don't want you
to tell me its OK,
when i already know it aint so right.
I don't want you,
to say any lie
when i clearly know there is a fight

inside you,
that you hate to look at my face
and that
i should leave right now,
with all the little given grace

I don't want you
to tell that i care,
when even the smallest hurt
you just don't share

i don't want you
to fake any smile
even when you try so hard,
to keep my thoughts away for a while

and
when i try hard,
and mean all that i say,
you deeply pray that
i go far far away

i don't want you
to think i cannot see
that all you do is to
make me feel- this was not to be

All that i wish is,
that i could have done more
but now all what i did
has turned on so sour

and all i try is to be
somebody else
to make you feel am not so wrong
but i end up
so finally me,
with nothing but this stupid song

and in the end
when i think of my life
so far so bad
all that i thought were fine
aint so right, imperfection has clad

now, no matter how long
this will take,
i shall never regret
that loving you was a wrong choice to make

even though,
our world were apart
and,
never to meet
it was not actually an
impossible feat.

you were never wrong,
right here too, i agree
that there wasn't a tint
of love within you , for me

with a heavy heart,
i look at our story
just to make sure and believe
that you wont ever see me again,
and i have your memories with me to live

and of all, there is one thing
that fills my life with a beautiful sight.
maybe the only secret that
stayed within me..
and it was the moment i fell in love with you,
it was raining that night....!!!!!

Shooting star...!!!!

In the dark sky,
half past ten
sitting outside alone was when,
i suddenly saw a shooting star,
falling from the heaven so far.

quickly i closed my eyes
and made my wish,
mumbling it all
i looked like "Romeo" my gold fish

and then i wondered,
if those ever brought luck,love or anything at all.
after all they are matters from space
that had a fall.

confused and lost,
was trying to solve this mystery
i quickly messaged you asking for details,
tips, more info or any piece of history.
jotting all of them was
when i heard my message beep...
it was your good nite message
with a punch line.. SHUT UP AND SLEEP..!!! :)

And I Said....

I wonder what
will i say....
i think puffing
my last smoke of the day..

Rattling the thoughts
in my heart and mind,
its only you,
that i always find...

I prepare myself
like am writing some kinda test,
to make you realize
that I am the best

Please tell me,
how can I make you see..
that with you
am so always me...

that my words are
honest and my love is true,
your picture on orkut too,
feels so new :)

Not denying any fact
though so very odd,
that i often think of you
more than angles of their god

Asking myself
if will i ever say ??
I pacify myself
that maybe tomorrow is the day

what will you reply
there is no idea at least,
my chances feels so less,
because you are the beauty and am the beast

everyman has something to hide
is a fact so true,
but somebody please explain me,
why i hide my love from you ?

you are too sweet of a person,
a very good friend to loose
maybe that's the reason
not telling you this is what i choose

but without you
the world is lonelier than it seem
wish my words would make
you wanna give me a chance to redeem...!!!

S-M-S.... Save My Soul..!!!!

its been a long wait. almost a year. and still.. i wait...

somewhere i feel like Tom hanks of Cast Away.

lost on a lonely island and waiting everyday for help, while trying hopelessly to survive. The feeling arises from inside, the exact source though still unknown. there is a lotta noise inside..
I close my eyes trying to picturize myself in terms other than my human form and the only scene that comes up is of that of a bird caught in a cage. Everyday, every moment looking at the blue sky outside and hoping that the master someday will forget to latch the cage doors and i shall take off to scale the far and wide lengths of the eternally never ending sky. and that i shall prove it that the wide spread blue umbrella above is just small for my petite wings that still holds the will of conquering it. but even if someday i find that the doors is unlocked by mistake. I wont fly...!!!

Am no jonathan swift "seagull" wanting to master the art of flight. am just me, waiting for my turn to fly. waiting at my ending for that miracle to set me free. i agree that my hopes are getting decayed with the everyday slogged routine that most of us now term as life. but deep inside i still intend to challenge the boundaries and limitations that is set aside. i cant still accept the fact that my life will be governed by these set of rules. my attempts to escape is feable or near to none. somewhere i dont want my freedom, my life to be given as some charity. i want what is mine with all the respect that it deserves. and so i decided that i wont escape.but somewhere am scared that will it ever happen? am hopeless still beliving the fact that a miracle will rescue me or atleast show me that its always worth the wait.

its been a year now. and am still waiting... with my soul tarterd but.. waiting...!!!

lets Blame it all

well... i am certainly not good at this. For the matter of fact that I know it myself, i dont care what the other person thinks about this. for am not forcing anyone to read it nor follow or agree to it. but I do write this to put across what is there in my mind for its my right to express what i feel is right to the best of my knowledge, correct it if am wrong but never stop myself from expressing myself for the very aspect of my existence is determined by my expression.

I finally realized one thing in life. Its easier correction a lot more easier to sit at the other end and just talk about the infinite possibilities that could have worked out in every aspect of life what we witness everyday, but when it comes to putting the words into action, somehow things are not exactly the way we expected them to be. But hey, we dont give up that easy do we ? when do our people around us come handy ? what are they for ? blame it on them. either their ignorance or laziness that drove your entire work to drain and only if you had the right set of people around, you could be the man of your words. LOL..

sometimes its hard to belive that we still in a world so cynical, never reay to learn. but less do we realise that the world looks how we look at it. Am no different. Am a Hypocrite just like each one of you reading this. But atleast I agree to it. Not that am proud of it. Ashamed. to the core.

But somewhere i do wanna ask myself. will i ever learn ? if yes then WHEN ???? is there more that i need to see or experience before i finally accept it all ? i do. deep inside wanna change. learn. accept my faults and correct them. in short change. After all the change begins with one. the change does begin with me.

but there underlying question still lies.... Do I really want to ? ;)

My Song at the CrossRoads

My heart does bleed,
with a thousand words.
I only wish if you could,
hear all those.

I see your dreams,
with my open eyes.
souls we shared,
not just our lives.

My love for you,
I kept it so divine,
but with you walking away
i feel worser than swine.

I look at my life
turned so meaning less.
hard it seems now,
to clean up away this mess.

so, here i stand
at this cross road
setting sun,
and darkness around
my hope finds this song....
I sing it aloud... that,

"I'll find my place back in my life,
I'll find it once again...
I wish you would stand by my side..
when i find it once again

you walked away,
draining my happiness..
I called your name,
searched all places we met.. but found
guilt, anger, pain and hate.
mixed with my loneliness..

friends, foes no clarity,
I find now no difference.
the feeling of this life as charity
and let to live as penance.

I walk with these thoughts,
in my mind,
I stand at the cross road
where all that i find,
apart from deathly pain around..
is this song..
my song..
which I will sing as long as I can..

"I'll find my place back in my life,
I'll find it for me again.
I don't wanna be what the world wants me to be..."
here that's all I sing.


( But deep inside I know,
There is no place anyone can show,
where i feel safe, strong and warm
I wish I could be there, covered in your arm)


I'll find my place back in my life,,
Since I cant be there in your arms anymore.
I'll find it again..
for you my love.. for you.. for sure....

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